There has been a particularly troubling news story circulating the past few days about a girl who pressured her boyfriend into committing suicide last June in Massachusetts.  She has been charged with involuntary manslaughter.  Documents released in the case reveal that she sent text messages to Conrad Roy like, “You just have to do it,” “Tonight is the night,” and “You always say you’re gonna do it, but you never do.”  Conrad unfortunately ultimately committed suicide by pumping carbon monoxide into his car.  The most horrific part of the story is that the girlfriend was on the phone with him and at one point told Conrad to get back into the car.

I share this anecdote to show that bullying takes all types of forms.  It is not just the two kids playing during recess where one threatens to punch another (although that is certainly bullying as well).  According to the Oxford English Dictionary, bullying is “use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force [someone] to do what one wants.”  Stopbullying.gov defines bullying in the context of school children by defining it as “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.”   The same website does an excellent job of breaking down the impacts for all parties involved in bullying (note that there are substantial consequences for “bystanders”):

• Kids who are bullied are at increased risk for Depression and anxiety, increased feelings of sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns, and loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy, health complaints, Decreased academic achievement—GPA and standardized test scores—and school participation. They are more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.
• Kids who bully others have a higher likelihood of substance abuse as teens and as adults, Get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school, Engage in early sexual activity, Have criminal convictions and traffic citations as adults, and are more likely to be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, or children as adults.
• Bystanders to bullying are more likely to Have increased use of tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs, Have increased mental health problems, including depression and anxiety, Miss or skip school.

Another impact that is extremely important is that bullying can often be the “tipping point” for those who suffer from depression or anxiety.  While the girlfriend in the story above didn’t “pull the trigger” her actions are akin to it through her use of bullying.  Although it’s an extreme example, it shows us the extreme impacts of bullying.  It is also worth noting that in 12 of the 15 major school shootings to occur in the US the shooters had a history of being bullied.  While certainly not causation, a correlation that is worthy of being examined.

Raising awareness and talking about bullying is a community effort.  My dear friend and colleague Joyce El-Khoury has been an outstanding leader in the Opera Community for speaking out against bullying and sharing her personal experiences.  I encourage all of you to check out her fan page (Joyce El-Khoury Soprano) and watch for her posts.  You can read more about her efforts and story here.